Third Floor Bedroom

  'It all began when someone left the window open'

Rain Journeys

By Courtney Tindale

 


“Is rejection heredity? Is it contagious….?

 

April 1st 1908

Dear Diary,

“For every dove which disappears, someone finds peace and freedom”. I heard her tell this to a chubby lady in a soft whisper as they waited in the queue at the local post office down town. Peace and freedom, they seem so alien to my ears, yet so derisable. Wherever could I find a dove like that?

 

April 2nd 1908

Dear Diary,

Rejection? Solitude? I sit in my room. Mama passed away last year and since then I’ve stopped interacting. I don’t even remember the last time I went to sewing with Marie and Lucy. I wonder where they are now? What they are doing? I wonder what Mama is doing now? Perhaps looking down on me and protecting my every move as she did when she was with me.

 

April 5th 1908

Dear Diary,

I’m still here, reading, writing…alone. I haven’t been outside since my visit to the post office, I haven’t even seen him for the last three months. He is so obsessive with his women and money. He plays with them like little children at play school. I don’t know if he really ever loved mama. She was too beautiful and kind for someone like him, I don’t understand. Is rejection hereditary? Is it contagious? Can I catch such a thing?

 

Recently my sister Cese and me have become very close. She talks to me and listens, just like mama would. Although for some reason I can’t place all my trust in her, she has mysterious ways and conceals too much. She is the most happy and cheerful friend of mine, I like her that way. Then she leaves in a hurry as if she will miss the afternoon train. I see her run into the forest and disappear into the deep deep darkness.

  

“his voice was so calm and collected…”

  

 April 9th 1908

Dear Diary,

The weather was cruel today. The rain trashed down hard, hitting my face. It was like millions of stone pebbles being pelted from the skies. I tried to shelter my face by looking

downwards to mud covered ground. Then…”Whoa!” He was masculine and strong. I had wondered into a house. It was old and abandoned, with pretty dove wallpaper, a drawer and a mysterious open window. The corners were covered with cobwebs and there was dust all over the furniture, it made me feel numb and cold all over. Although the warmth

from the man heated my insides. He was handsome, by any means my heart pounded like thunder. He smelt sweet and edible like chocolates, holding a stranger should have felt cold and clinical. It didn’t, I felt the total opposite and had a sense of being for the first time.

 

April 10th 1908

Dear Diary,

I feel as if, as if that man I saw, I feel so much comfort. Is he still with me? Is he willing to relieve me? All night I thought incessantly about how good it would be to see him again. To rid this feeling of loneliness. At least to know his name. Where to find him once more.

 

April 12th 1908

Dear Diary,

The rain didn’t pound today. It gently landed onto my face. I followed my footsteps to see him again. I began to run in hope that I would meet him and fall recklessly back into his arms. Disappointment. It was like entering an empty room, which should be full of friendly faces and things. Opening an empty box. Why does nothing go my way, like it does for everyone else? Why?

 

April 13th 1908

Dear Diary,

Another day which looked the same as yesterday, same as last week. It is nothing like the day that I met him. It is as if the rain was good luck. Today a new day, wondering what it will bring me. He smelt as sensual as before. Dressed the same as before. He held out those same comforting arms. It felt like I was born to fit into them. This time we spoke. His voice was so calm and collected, so gentle and sweet tempered he was.. Everything about him made me fall for him, I didn’t know him, yet I felt like I had known him forever. With reckless abandon, I placed all my trust in him. The sky darkened, clouds covered over as I made my way home. It should have been gleaming with sunshine,

 

“he had filled that missing piece in my heart…”

April 15th 1908

Dear Diary,

I’m in love, for the first time. I’m in love! If his love for me is true it will make up for the love that is owed to me. Just living with my father, how could I love? His name was Elija and I was his little Isabella. My life has turned around once again. I have returned to sewing, seen my father, I’m so happy I cant possibly stay and write anymore, theres too much fun outside I’m missing out on. Must go!

 

April 16th 1908

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I noticed something suspicious about the third floor bedroom in the old house, our meeting place. Yes, it was dirty, torn and bleak. It was the wallpaper, which caught my eye. There was a definite dove missing, faded away from the others. As if it has just peeled away from everyone else and flew away. Has somebody found peace and freedom? Could it be me?

 

April 17th 1908

Dear Diary,

His absence is more that I can bear. It hurts, makes me feel ill. Have I done something wrong? I’m so wrecked. The loneliness that I feel is overbearing. It is as if someone has ripped out my heart. I felt so good being close to Elija, so calm at peace. My feelings and emotions are being played with. They are always up and down and changing like a seesaw at the playgrounds. I want it to stop.

 

April 19th 1908

Dear Diary,

My thoughts about Elija have subsided a little tonight as Cese has gone missing. She has been away for two days and no one knows where she is, it’s not like Cese to be away for so long. Lately I haven’t seen her. The daily visits have finished. Many are out searching for her. Those who love and care for her. I’m scared and I can only pray that she is alright. More than ever Ive wanted to see Elija, I need his warm open arms to comfort and reassure me. I can’t afford to lose both Cese and Elija. It feels like theres a force that’s deliberately trying to destroy my life. I’m in state of turmoil, and everything good is far away and so unreachable.

  

 

“it was a strange day for autumn, much brighter…”

 

April 22nd 1908

Dear Diary,

It was another tough journey back to the dove room. The weather was fierce, raining so hard that it was leaking thought the holes in the roof. It reminded me of dripping taps at night in the kitchen. Those non-stop everlasting drips that I cant stand. “Elija, where are you? I miss you so much, come back and help me please!” My calls were unanswered. I screamed and coughed hard and my throat began to hurt. Slouched against the wall, I pretended I was with him, drying and soaking up his warmth in his arms.

 

 

April 24th 1908

Dear Diary,

He had filled that missing piece in my heart. I love him so much. The walls of comfort are being pulled down in front of me. Even though I barely know this man, he made me feel so much more, he brought back the feeling I felt when mama was around.

 

April 29th 1908

Dear Diary,

Things yet again have returned back to normal. Elija and Cese have come back into my life. Where was she? “In the forest? Alone and sleeping in dirt burrows in the rain and hail?” How ever could she have survived that? It didn’t seem right for Cese, although, knowing Cese and her bubbly personality where anything bad has to be good in some way, I can understand more clearly, but I was still fazed. Her eyes opened and she bounced around like a toddler telling her story with excitement.

 

May 1st 1908

Dear Diary,

Sun shining through the tops of the trees. Shadowing and lighting up different sections of the gravel. It was a strange day for autumn, much nicer brighter than it was just one week ago. Weather was sweet, birds were singing and the wild rabbits were bouncing all around my feet. The environment and atmosphere gave me good vibes for today. I returned to the dove room only to see Elija…..With Cese! I caught them at the end of kiss, my heart was shattered.  “For every dove which disappears someone finds peace and freedom” Peace and freedom? Familiar to some, yet so alien to others.

Love always

Isabella… …